Do you even get the sneaking suspicion that the beauty industry is one big conglomerate whose sole mission is to confuse the ever-loving shit out of us? Or is that just me and the voices I hear?
In the past, I’d stand in front of the 10 billion face washes at Target and quickly become overwhelmed by the sheer number of options. “Acne Be Damned!”, “Shrink Your Pores!”, “Porcelain Skin is Yours!”…exciting claims, no doubt. A crock of shit in most cases, you betcha.
Over the years, I’ve managed to figure out that I’m allergic to salicylic acid — full-face hives are awfully attractive and fun. I’ve also determined that most products that say they remove eye makeup with ease actually mean, “we’re going to burn your retinas out of your skull, but that damn mascara will come off.”
Frustrated and desperate, I saw that Philosophy was hosting a show on QVC when I was scrolling through the cable guide one night. Never having used their products before, I checked it out. Side note: do not be a QVC-hater, you can get good deals on stuff. And no, that doesn’t make me 65-years-old or a shut-in. Moving on…
They were highlighting their “foundational” face wash, Purity Made Simple. The demo girls were washing their faces with this stuff, and literally keeping their eyes open while doing so. And their eye makeup was melting off. All smiles and whatnot, I was sure they’d been lobotomized so that their faces wouldn’t register the pain they were feeling from their eyes burning from the inside out. Nonetheless, I was intrigued enough to call them up and buy a bottle.
That was probably four years ago. And I haven’t used anything else as an everyday face wash since. My skin, always acne-prone in the past, has been virtually clear in all that time, save for the occasional PMS-induced crater-zit that wants world domination via my face. At the same time, without scrubbing at all, my eye makeup comes off easily every night. In fact, Purity is what inspired me to actually wash my face at night.
Yes, I was one of those girls that went to bed in full face makeup every night for most of my life. My college roommate, Jody, always washed her faced, even if she was so drunk she couldn’t stand upright. Every night. And what did I do? I pulled on sweatpants and crawled into bed. Ambitious stuff, clearly. But now, I always hit the pillow with freshly washed skin. My pillows thank me for no longer streaking them with foundation and eyeliner. We get along much better these days.
I actually buy Purity in a 32 oz. pump which lasts me for about six or seven months. At about $45, it’s a screamin’ deal. You can get Philosophy products at Sephora, Nordstroms and other retailers, but lovies, I urge you to check out QVC’s website and order there. You’ll get a bigger size, better price and overall rockin’ value. And you won’t be sorry. I’ve turned several friends onto Purity and they all love it. I use another of Philosophy’s face products in conjunction with Purity but you’ll have to wait until next time to hear about that. Stop salivating and get yourself some Purity today. We both know it’s the only way you’ll have any purity in your life, dirty bird.
In the past, I’d stand in front of the 10 billion face washes at Target and quickly become overwhelmed by the sheer number of options. “Acne Be Damned!”, “Shrink Your Pores!”, “Porcelain Skin is Yours!”…exciting claims, no doubt. A crock of shit in most cases, you betcha.
Over the years, I’ve managed to figure out that I’m allergic to salicylic acid — full-face hives are awfully attractive and fun. I’ve also determined that most products that say they remove eye makeup with ease actually mean, “we’re going to burn your retinas out of your skull, but that damn mascara will come off.”
Frustrated and desperate, I saw that Philosophy was hosting a show on QVC when I was scrolling through the cable guide one night. Never having used their products before, I checked it out. Side note: do not be a QVC-hater, you can get good deals on stuff. And no, that doesn’t make me 65-years-old or a shut-in. Moving on…
They were highlighting their “foundational” face wash, Purity Made Simple. The demo girls were washing their faces with this stuff, and literally keeping their eyes open while doing so. And their eye makeup was melting off. All smiles and whatnot, I was sure they’d been lobotomized so that their faces wouldn’t register the pain they were feeling from their eyes burning from the inside out. Nonetheless, I was intrigued enough to call them up and buy a bottle.
That was probably four years ago. And I haven’t used anything else as an everyday face wash since. My skin, always acne-prone in the past, has been virtually clear in all that time, save for the occasional PMS-induced crater-zit that wants world domination via my face. At the same time, without scrubbing at all, my eye makeup comes off easily every night. In fact, Purity is what inspired me to actually wash my face at night.
Yes, I was one of those girls that went to bed in full face makeup every night for most of my life. My college roommate, Jody, always washed her faced, even if she was so drunk she couldn’t stand upright. Every night. And what did I do? I pulled on sweatpants and crawled into bed. Ambitious stuff, clearly. But now, I always hit the pillow with freshly washed skin. My pillows thank me for no longer streaking them with foundation and eyeliner. We get along much better these days.
I actually buy Purity in a 32 oz. pump which lasts me for about six or seven months. At about $45, it’s a screamin’ deal. You can get Philosophy products at Sephora, Nordstroms and other retailers, but lovies, I urge you to check out QVC’s website and order there. You’ll get a bigger size, better price and overall rockin’ value. And you won’t be sorry. I’ve turned several friends onto Purity and they all love it. I use another of Philosophy’s face products in conjunction with Purity but you’ll have to wait until next time to hear about that. Stop salivating and get yourself some Purity today. We both know it’s the only way you’ll have any purity in your life, dirty bird.
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